jokes

Genie !!!

2006-08-10T22:52:00.000-07:00

Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf.

Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.

The husband cringed, "I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us."

So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door.

A warm voice said, "Come on in." When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the broken window.

A man reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people that broke my window?"

"Uh...yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that," the husband replied.

"Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you. You see, I'm a g enie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll Give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for myself."

"Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, "I'd like a million dollars a year for! the rest of my life."

"No problem," said the genie. "You've got it, it's the least I can do. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!"

"And now you, young lady, what do you want?" the genie asked. "I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world," she said.
"Consider it done," the genie said. "And your homes will always be safe from fire,burglary and natural disasters!"

"And now," the couple asked in unison, "what's your wish, genie?"

" Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to sleep with your wife."

The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?"

She thought it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you're right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?"

"You know I love you sweetheart," said the husband.

"I'd do the same for you!" So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other. The genie was insatiable.
After about three hours of non-stop fun, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, "How old are you and your husband?"

"Why, we're both 35," she responded breathlessly.

"Really?! Thirty-five years old and both of you
still believe in genies?"

How to write Tests ! Learn from Calvin...

2006-08-10T07:15:00.000-07:00

reservation !!!

2006-08-10T07:00:00.000-07:00

Manmohan Singh to Bush – We are sending Indians to the moon next year.
Bush – Wow! How Many?
Manmohan Singh - 100
25 - OBC
25 - SC
20 - ST
5 - Handicapped
5 - Sports Persons
5 - Terrorist Affected
5 - Kashmiri Migrants
9 - Politicians
and if possible
1 – Astronnaut (General)

Finally INTELLIGENT sardar mil gaya...

2006-08-10T03:47:00.000-07:00

A Sardarji and his wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston.After almost twenty-four hours on the road,
they're too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room,
but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.

When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350. The Sardarji explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350. When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the Manager. The Manager appears, listens to the Sardarji, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center
that were available for the husband and wife to use.

But we didn't use them", the Sardarji complains.

Well, they are here, and you could have," explains the Manager. He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here," the Manager says.

But we didn't go to any of those shows," sardarji complains again.

"Well, we have them, and you could have", the Manager replies. No matter what facility the Manager mentions, the
sardarji replies "But we didn't use it". The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the Sardarji finally gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the Manager.

The Manager is surprised when the looks at the check.
"But sir," he says, "this check is only made out for $100." "That's right," says the sardarji,

"I charged you $250 for sleeping with my wife."

"But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager.

"Well," the Sardarji replies, "she was here, and you could have."

some interesting FACTS...

2006-08-10T03:41:00.000-07:00

1. COCA-COLA WAS ORIGINALLY GREEN.

2. THE MOST COMMON NAME IN THE WORLD IS MOHAMMED.

3. THE NAME OF ALL THE CONTINENTS END WITH THE SAME LETTER THAT THEY START WITH.

4. THERE ARE TWO CREDIT CARDS FOR EVERY PERSON IN THE UNITED STATES.

5. TYPEWRITER IS THE LONGEST WORD THAT CAN BE MADE USING THE LETTERS ONLY ON ONE ROW OF THE KEYBOARD.

6. WOMEN BLINK NEARLY TWICE AS MUCH AS MEN!!

7. YOU CAN'T KILL YOURSELF BY HOLDING YOUR BREATH.

8. IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO LICK YOUR ELBOW.

9. PEOPLE SAY "BLESS YOU" WHEN YOU SNEEZE BECAUSE WHEN YOU SNEEZE YOUR HEART STOPS FOR A MILLISECOND.

10. IT IS PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE FOR PIGS TO LOOK UP INTO THE SKY.

11. THE "SIXTH SICK SHEIK'S SIXTH SHEEP'S SICK" IS SAID TO BE THE TOUGHEST TONGUE TWISTER IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE.

12. IF YOU SNEEZE TOO HARD, YOU CAN FRACTURE A RIB. IF YOU TRY TO SUPPRESS A SNEEZE, YOU CAN RUPTURE A BLOOD VESSEL IN YOUR HEAD OR NECK AND DIE…!

13. EACH KING IN A DECK OF PLAYING CARDS REPRESENTS GREAT KING FROM HISTORY. SPADES - KING DAVID, CLUBS - ALEXANDER THE GREAT, HEARTS - CHARLEMAGNE, DIAMONDS - JULIUS CAESAR.

14. 111,111,111 X 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

15. IF A STATUE OF A PERSON IN THE PARK ON A HORSE HAS BOTH FRONT LEGS IN THE AIR, THE PERSON DIED IN BATTLE.

16. IF THE HORSE HAS ONE FRONT LEG IN THE AIR, THE PERSON DIED AS A RESULT OF WOUNDS RECEIVED IN BATTLE.

17. IF THE HORSE HAS ALL FOUR LEGS ON THE GROUND, THE PERSON DIED OF NATURAL CAUSES.

18. QUESTION - THIS IS THE ONLY FOOD THAT DOESN'T SPOIL. WHAT IS
THIS?
ANS. - HONEY

19. A CROCODILE CANNOT STICK ITS TONGUE OUT.

20. A SNAIL CAN SLEEP FOR THREE YEARS.

21. ALL POLAR BEARS ARE LEFT HANDED.

22. AMERICAN AIRLINES SAVED $40,000 IN 1987 BY ELIMINATING ONE OLIVE FROM EACH SALAD SERVED IN FIRST-CLASS.

23. BUTTERFLIES TASTE WITH THEIR FEET.

24. ELEPHANTS ARE THE ONLY ANIMALS THAT CAN'T JUMP.

25. IN THE LAST 4000 YEARS, NO NEW ANIMALS HAVE BEEN DOMESTICATED.

26. ON AVERAGE, PEOPLE FEAR SPIDERS MORE THAN THEY DO DEATH.

27.SHAKESPEARE INVENTED THE WORD 'ASSASSINATION' AND 'BUMP'.

28. STEWARDESSES IS THE LONGEST WORD TYPED WITH ONLY THE LEFT HAND.

29.THE ANT ALWAYS FALLS OVER ON ITS RIGHT SIDE WHEN INTOXICATED.

30. THE ELECTRIC CHAIR WAS INVENTED BY A DENTIST.

31.THE HUMAN HEART CREATES ENOUGH PRESSURE WHEN IT PUMPS OUT TO THE BODY TO SQUIRT BLOOD 30 FEET.

32. RATS MULTIPLY SO QUICKLY THAT IN 18 MONTHS, TWO RATS COULD HAVE OVER MILLION DESCENDANTS.

33. WEARING HEADPHONES FOR JUST AN HOUR WILL INCREASE THE BACTERIA IN YOUR EAR BY 700 TIMES.

34. THE CIGARETTE LIGHTER WAS INVENTED BEFORE THE MATCH.

35. MOST LIPSTICK CONTAINS FISH SCALES.

36. LIKE FINGERPRINTS, EVERYONE'S TONGUE PRINT IS DIFFERENT.

37. AND FINALLY 99% OF PEOPLE WHO READ THIS WILL TRY TO LICK THEIR ELBOW !!!

YOU WERE KNOWING THESE FACTS..???

DON'T EVER BE LATE..!!!

2006-08-10T03:33:00.000-07:00

A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the
parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was
chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner. He
was delayed so the priest decided to say his own few words while they
waited.

" I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I
heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very
first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a
television set and, when stopped by the police, had almost murdered the
officer. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his place of
business, had an affair with his boss's wife and taken illegal drugs. I
was appalled. But as the days went on I knew that my people were not all
like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving
people."

Just as the priest finished his talk the politician arrived full of
apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and
give his talk.

"I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived," said the
politician. "In fact, I had the honor of being the first one to go to him
in confession."

Moral: DON'T EVER BE LATE

our prayers have been answered...!!!

2006-08-10T00:51:00.000-07:00

A lady approaches a priest and tells him, "Father, I have a
problem. I have these two talking female parrots, but they only know how
to say one thing. They keep saying "Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want
to have some fun?"

"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed. "But I do have a
solution to your problem. Bring your two parrots over to my house and I
will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I have taught to
pray and read the bible. My parrots will then teach your parrots to stop
saying that terrible phrase, and your female parrots will learn to pray
and worship."

So the next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the
priest's house.

The priest's two male parrots are holding rosary beads and
praying in their cage. The lady puts her female talking parrots in with
the male talking parrots,and the female parrots say, "Hi, we're
prostitutes! Do you want to have some fun?"

One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and
screams,

"Put your Bible away Frank, our prayers have been answered!!!!!!!"

Here are some web site names that went horribly wrong. (their intention was not wrong...)

2006-08-10T00:47:00.000-07:00

Firstly there is Who Represents, a database for agencies to the rich and famous: http://www.whorepresents.com /

Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island: http://www.penisland.net

Need a therapist? Try: http://www.therapistfinder.com

And there is an Italian Power company: http://www.powergenitalia.com

Finally we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales: http://www.molestationnursery.com

Second is the Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views: http://www.expertsexchange.com

boy or girl..???

2006-08-09T23:56:00.000-07:00

When my friend Rachel said she was expecting,

I asked, “Do you know the baby’s sex?”

“Yes,” she replied, “but we’ve decided not to announce it.”

“Can I take a guess?”

“Sure, go ahead.”

“Is it a girl?”

“Oh, no,” she replied. “You’re way off.”